Living in A Fog

 I am sitting at the dentist office for my oldest daughter Avril's dentist appointment.  Normally there would be 2 girls, 2 best friends, 2 sisters, together here for their appointment.  There would be laughter and asking if they have to go right back to school after.  I had to cancel the appointment for McKel.  When asked why... "she passed away".  Words I never thought I would have to say.  The look of shock on people's faces every time I have to say those words to cancel appointment, cancel bank accounts, close college savings, cancel insurance, volleyball teams.... the whole life of an exhuberant, active, beautiful child is gone.

I don't know how to grieve this deep of grief. It feels like life should not continue.  For anyone.  The brightest light is gone from this world, and somehow it keeps going.  Don't people know what has been lost in the world?  How do I pretend to go through all the normal social motions of being alive on this earth when I am a shattered shell of what I used to be?

I miss her. I miss her, I miss her, I miss her!!!  I always looked at her with awe. How could I be so lucky to have such a good kid as a daughter?  I beamed with pride at how she was so creative, so kind, so gifted in so many areas, but mostly because she had the biggest heart in the world.  She always looked out for others.  She took pride in being the funny one... always making others laugh.