Maintaining Connection

 McKel makes sure that she lets us know she is still around.  The electricity continues to do amazing things in our home.

This morning while I was sitting in McKel's room meditating, the light turned on.

Earlier this week, McKel turned the light on in Avril's room, then Keenan's room.  When I noticed Keenan's light on, I asked him how it turned on.  He smiled and just said, it turned on by itself while I was sitting here on my computer.  I asked him if he knew how it turned on.  He smiled and said, "McKel.".  He then came to sit on my lap and looked up at the light and said, "McKel, I love you and you are the best sister ever."  He then got up and stood under the light and hugged the air.  I took a photo, it was so sweet.

I then went back to Avril's room and was talking with her.  As we were talking, I noticed the light turn on from underneath the door in McKel's room.  Then we heard the beeping noise from the giant fan in the living room... the noise it makes as it is turning on.  There was nobody downstairs to turn that fan on.  Mike came in from the bedroom and said, the fan is on downstairs.  That's it, I'm moving out!  I am of course, thrilled to see the fan turn on, as well as all the lights.  Avril and I were so excited to see that she'd figured out how to turn the giant fan on.  We continued to sit and talk, and then as I got up to go to bed, I stepped toward McKel's room and was about to reach for the door and tell her to turn out the light to go to bed, and as I reached for the doorknob, the light in her room turned out.  It is unbelievable to me.  I would never think it is real if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

We love seeing these signs from McKel.  Also, nana found a mysterious bracelet that she'd never seen before at her house.  It is a bracelet with charms with the letter "M", and an angel and hearts.  I think we are each getting little hints from McKel that she is around.

Still... even with all these beautiful signs, the pain is so deep.  Even knowing her spirit is around, our human minds and physical bodies long for McKel's laugh, her hugs, her jokes, her sweetness, her loud singing, her dance moves, her zest for life.

At age 46, I used to be worried about how much longer I have on earth, and how quickly time goes, and how the end of my life could be coming anytime.  My aunt Trish was my age when she passed away from cancer.  Now, I long to be with McKel again.  I am not afraid of the end of life, but now I think I welcome it.  I do not mean that I want to end my life now and would take my life, but I mean that I am looking forward to being with McKel with everything in me.

The reason I meditate is because I want to learn how my consciousness can connect with hers.  I know others have been able to do it and I want to keep trying until I can learn how to do this.  My sweet baby Kel Kel.  I love her so so so much.

McKel - lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.  Teach me all that I must do... to be with you some day. (quoting my Mormon hymn roots).

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